Sissy

I wish my sister could see herself through my eyes.. then she would see what a wonderful women she is. I think she is beautiful and strong. I admire her so much. I hate that she is so far away.  I love her so very much and there are times like today when I miss her so much it hurts me physically. We are already planning our summer and I can't wait. I am going to make her stay at my house so we can spend as much time as possible. I love you sissy and I miss you. 

Growing up to soon

Lillie's birthday is in a week and I have been busy getting ready for it.  For her birthday Lil wanted her room to be "Duked out" so I have been painting, making her a Duke quilt, getting her posters and pictures and painting all her furniture "Duke" blue.  When I was pregnant with Harley Moma Jo let her pick out paint for her room, Lillie picked out bubble gum pink with purple trim. She was into Disney Princess and thats what we did her room in.  You can tell how your kids grow up with their rooms, first we did the princess, then Bratz, then Hannah Montana and now Lil wants Duke. She is so much like her Aunt Trin (Sissy). She can trash talk with the best of them and she is a fanatic. It makes me sad in away to paint over her "little girl" room because my first baby is growing up. All I ever wanted to be was a mommy..  When I first found out I was having a baby I knew it was a girl. I bought all girl stuff  and named her Lillie from the start.. She has always been such a good sweet spirited girl. She is growing up so fast and I wish I could slow time down. She is still so innocent and loves to play with dolls and her little brother and sister, but how long can that last?  As sad as her growing up makes me, I am also excited to watch her grow into the beautiful young lady she is, I just wish I could slow it down.

Don't know what you've got til it's gone.....

     I don't really like that song (I know cause I googled it) but that one line pops into my head a lot. Even before my Papa died in August of 2009 I would wake up crying because I had a dream that he was gone. Even knowing how sick he was it was such a shock when he died. Our whole family was up at the hospital with him that week. He was never alone, and after the first day no one was allowed to touch him but us. We washed him up and turned him, fed him while he was able to eat. My cousins Manda and Danielle were there with us. We all grew up together and have always been close but being there together with Papa brought us closer. The whole family was crammed into that little hospital room and one minute we would be crying and the next laughing. . I think of my Papa everyday and sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me sad.  I thought I  knew what I had with my Papa  and what it would be like with him gone but it wasn't even close to what I expected. I still have a hard time going up to Moma Jo's on holidays because he isn't there. I can't imagine going to their house after they both are gone.

     Shortly after Papa died my  sister and her family had to move to Virginia. I know that for most people that isn't a big deal but for me and Trinity moving away that far from your family is HUGE! Growing up we were not as close as some sisters are. We are four years apart in age and had different personalities, but no matter what we always were there for each other and had each others back. When Papa went into the hospital we held each other up. I think it was then that I realized how much me and Trinity needed each other. A long time ago she told me that no matter what there would never be any two people more alike than we are because we are the only two people made by our parents. It is so true.

     I took for granted that Trinity and my niece and nephews would always be close, never more than 15 minutes away from me. Now it takes me three hours and lots of planning to be with them. We are closer now than we have ever been. I cherish every moment we are able to squeeze in. We joke that we are morphing into the same person but it's kind of true. I think we spend more time together now that she is in Richmond than we did when she was at home.  I have wonderful memories of growing up with her. I am very protective of her and my niece and nephews. Sometimes I miss them all so much it physically hurts. So don't take the ones you love for granted cause its true that you don't know what you've got til it's gone.