Don't know what you've got til it's gone.....

     I don't really like that song (I know cause I googled it) but that one line pops into my head a lot. Even before my Papa died in August of 2009 I would wake up crying because I had a dream that he was gone. Even knowing how sick he was it was such a shock when he died. Our whole family was up at the hospital with him that week. He was never alone, and after the first day no one was allowed to touch him but us. We washed him up and turned him, fed him while he was able to eat. My cousins Manda and Danielle were there with us. We all grew up together and have always been close but being there together with Papa brought us closer. The whole family was crammed into that little hospital room and one minute we would be crying and the next laughing. . I think of my Papa everyday and sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me sad.  I thought I  knew what I had with my Papa  and what it would be like with him gone but it wasn't even close to what I expected. I still have a hard time going up to Moma Jo's on holidays because he isn't there. I can't imagine going to their house after they both are gone.

     Shortly after Papa died my  sister and her family had to move to Virginia. I know that for most people that isn't a big deal but for me and Trinity moving away that far from your family is HUGE! Growing up we were not as close as some sisters are. We are four years apart in age and had different personalities, but no matter what we always were there for each other and had each others back. When Papa went into the hospital we held each other up. I think it was then that I realized how much me and Trinity needed each other. A long time ago she told me that no matter what there would never be any two people more alike than we are because we are the only two people made by our parents. It is so true.

     I took for granted that Trinity and my niece and nephews would always be close, never more than 15 minutes away from me. Now it takes me three hours and lots of planning to be with them. We are closer now than we have ever been. I cherish every moment we are able to squeeze in. We joke that we are morphing into the same person but it's kind of true. I think we spend more time together now that she is in Richmond than we did when she was at home.  I have wonderful memories of growing up with her. I am very protective of her and my niece and nephews. Sometimes I miss them all so much it physically hurts. So don't take the ones you love for granted cause its true that you don't know what you've got til it's gone.